Active Love and Love in Dreams

"'I love mankind,' he said, 'but I am amazed at myself: the more I love mankind in general, the less I love people in particular, that is, individually, as separate persons. In my dreams,' he said, 'I often went so far as to think passionately of serving mankind, and, it may be, would really have gone to the cross for people if it were somehow suddenly necessary, and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone even for two days, this I know from experience. As soon as someone is there, close to me, his personality oppresses my self-esteem and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I can begin to hate even the best of men: one because he takes too long eating his dinner, another because he has a cold and keeps blowing his nose. I become the enemy of people the moment they touch me,' he said. 'On the other hand, it has always happened that the more I hate people individually, the more ardent becomes my love for humanity as a whole.'" (1.2.4)

This passage needs no preface, and it is an injustice for me to even attempt to expand on Dostoevsky's portrait of active love vs. love in dreams. However, I seem to have a knack for literary impiety, so why not. At this point in the Brothers, Father Zosima, an elder in the Church is meeting with a woman of little faith. The woman has come to him seeking conviction, if not proof, of the afterlife. To this, Zosima answers that, "one cannot prove anything here, but it is possible to be convinced." (1.2.4) And by what means?

"By the experience of active love. Try to love your neighbors actively and tirelessly. The more you succeed in loving, the more you'll be convinced of the existence of God and the immortality of the soul. And if you reach complete selflessness in the love of your neighbor, then undoubtedly you will believe, and no doubt will even be able to enter your soul. This has been tested. It is certain." (1.2.4)

And this is the catalyst for the little passage that began this entry. The first passage is painted with sorrowful humor. I dream vigilantly of using my education to help other people. I want to use my financial acumen to strengthen growing companies, like TOMS shoes, who are actively helping people around the world, and are acting out what I generally consider to be Christ's love and vision. However, despite my longing to do something "meaningful" with my life, how ironic is it that often times I can't even love the people that are close to me? As soon as I get close to people, I really do begin to "hate" them and tear them apart on the basis of their habits, their mannerisms, and every objectionable fault. I've recently begun an experimental phase of befriending new people, and fueling this is gnawing discontent. However, the honeymoon stage is short. Novelty is lost on me, and eventually, I'm faced with the stern reality that at some point in my life, I'm actually going to start loving the people I have relationships with. And with that, I once again defer to Dostoevsky's Zosima:

"...active love is a harsh and fearful things compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go so far as the giving even of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps a whole science. But I predict that even in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment - I predict this to you - you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you." (1.2.4)

To be continued... "'I love mankind,' he said, 'but I am amazed at myself: the more I love mankind in general, the less I love people in particular, that is, individually, as separate persons. In my dreams,' he said, 'I often went so far as to think passionately of serving mankind, and, it may be, would really have gone to the cross for people if it were somehow suddenly necessary, and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone even for two days, this I know from experience. As soon as someone is there, close to me, his personality oppresses my self-esteem and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I can begin to hate even the best of men: one because he takes too long eating his dinner, another because he has a cold and keeps blowing his nose. I become the enemy of people the moment they touch me,' he said. 'On the other hand, it has always happened that the more I hate people individually, the more ardent becomes my love for humanity as a whole.'" (1.2.4)

This passage needs no preface, and it is an injustice for me to even attempt to expand on Dostoevsky's portrait of active love vs. love in dreams. However, I seem to have a knack for literary impiety, so why not. At this point in the Brothers, Father Zosima, an elder in the Church is meeting with a woman of little faith. The woman has come to him seeking conviction, if not proof, of the afterlife. To this, Zosima answers that, "one cannot prove anything here, but it is possible to be convinced." (1.2.4) And by what means?

"By the experience of active love. Try to love your neighbors actively and tirelessly. The more you succeed in loving, the more you'll be convinced of the existence of God and the immortality of the soul. And if you reach complete selflessness in the love of your neighbor, then undoubtedly you will believe, and no doubt will even be able to enter your soul. This has been tested. It is certain." (1.2.4)

And this is the catalyst for the little passage that began this entry. The first passage is painted with sorrowful humor. I dream vigilantly of using my education to help other people. I want to use my financial acumen to strengthen growing companies, like TOMS shoes, who are actively helping people around the world, and are acting out what I generally consider to be Christ's love and vision. However, despite my longing to do something "meaningful" with my life, how ironic is it that often times I can't even love the people that are close to me? As soon as I get close to people, I really do begin to "hate" them and tear them apart on the basis of their habits, their mannerisms, and every objectionable fault. I've recently begun an experimental phase of befriending new people, and fueling this is gnawing discontent. However, the honeymoon stage is short. Novelty is lost on me, and eventually, I'm faced with the stern reality that at some point in my life, I'm actually going to start loving the people I have relationships with. And with that, I once again defer to Dostoevsky's Zosima:

"...active love is a harsh and fearful things compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go so far as the giving even of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps a whole science. But I predict that even in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment - I predict this to you - you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you." (1.2.4)

To be continued...